My First Five

A John Lloyd Cruz line that said "Sabi sa census may 11 milyon na tao sa Metro Manila. Sa dami ng taong yun, paano mo malalaman na nahanap mo na yung taong para sa’yo? Ano kaya kung nakasalubong mo na siya kaya lang 'di mo siya pinansin? Dumaan na pala sa harap mo, pero yumuko ka para magsintas ng sapatos mo. Nakatabi mo na pala, kaya lang lumingon ka para tumingin sa traffic lights. Baka nandun na siya, humarang lang yung pedicab.

Sa dinami-dami ng tao, may mga swereteng nakahanap na, may mga naghahanap pa, yung iba sumuko na. Pero ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat, yung na sayo na pero pinakawalan mo pa. Pero paano nga kaya noh, kung isang beses lang dumadating ang para sayo. Palalampasin mo pa?"

For 29 long years, as the famous British band said in one of their song, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. For 29 years, I'm still waiting for that "one" to arrive. Will she come? or Am I just too dumb to think that there is no the "one" for me?

For 29 years, I have made mistakes in each relationship that I got involved to. I have failed and failed and failed, again. In each relationship, I always ended up alone. Why? Well, I don't know. Is it something about myself? or is it my partner? or the chemistry isn't just right? What causes us to always being apart?

All my life, I had 5 of the most beautiful, intelligent and loving woman in the world, but all of that relationships failed. Let me reminisce all of them.

The Dancer

My first came when I was 15. Right from the start, I know that this won't work. She's someone that my parents would not like because she's into other activities like dancing and she's not that studious as I may say. But for me, she's the one of the sweetest, most thoughtful person I've ever knew. It failed maybe because we were too young that time and doesn't have a sense of that love that will last. Well, to cut it short, she's the wrong girl, at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Currently, I have heard she already does have kids of her own.

The Sosyalista

She's from San Lorenzo Village in Makati. Well, all we know from there is either rich and famous. Technically, this "AD" (her initials) girl, we didn't have the chance to get on the next level, if you know what I mean. She's one of the "what if's" of my life. The only memory that I have being with her was the time when she invited me to her junior prom at the Manila Polo Club. I will never ever forget that night. "AD" is now a interior designer and based in Singapore.

The Co-Student

After 4 years of being single, "JM" came into the picture. We both attended the same course and we were classmates then. Just for the record, I already saw her as early as our sophomore year but we only got hooked up during our senior year. Well, to start off, she's the one that changed my life forever. She's the one that taught me the valuable lessons in life. Yes, she's just the third in my list but she is first in most things. At that time, my world would just evolve around her. But after a year and a half, that relationship suddenly failed. I was too depressed after that. I thought that I could never love again. That was one of my painful moments. I really didn't think that I could ever stand again. Luckily, I did.

The Social Worker

A year has passed and I already did moved on. I just finished my college degree and working for a business solutions provider company. Then "AR" came. She's very simple and down-to-earth kind of woman. She's a "cowgirl". The thing I like about her the most is that she does have a charity which helps less unfortunate kids in their studies especially when it comes to music. I love seeing her with kids and the feeling that I got is that the kids are attached to her too. We lasted for a couple of weeks but never really hitted off because of our busy schedule.

The Workaholic

Four years after the social worker, I met "CA" from a common friend. Well, I already know her because she became my batchmate during my college days. We just never had the time to know each other back then because we both have our own relationship. The thing I like the most about this relationship is that when we became an item, I felt a sense of maturity for myself. I always felt that this is something. I knew that this may be the one I'm looking for. Well, she never failed to live up my expectations. But I did. I failed to met her expectations to me as a partner in life. We almost got into the next level but all of that dreams have squandered.

After 5 relationships, I looked into the mirror and think. Some people say "One is enough. Two is too much. Three is dangerous. Four is stupid. Five is to almost die". Should I look for the sixth? and if I ever found her, what's gonna happen? That's the most beautiful about love. Loving is someone is the best feeling yet you're not sure of what's gonna happen. Not knowing is the excitement ingredient of that love.

On that John Lloyd line, where am I? Obviously, I am not that one of the "mga maswerteng tao na nahanap na". I don't know if I will end up like the "yung iba sumuko na". I will never know if I'm one of the people like "yung na sayo na, pero pinakawalan mo pa" until I end up giving up. But after 5 relationships, I came to realize one thing. John Lloyd would asked "Paano nga kaya noh, kung isang beses lang dumadating ang para sayo. Palalampasin mo pa? I would answer in return and say it with confidence in love - hell no. JMP