Synesthesia

Save your smile,

Everything fades through time

I’m lost for words,

Endlessly waiting for you

Stay with me

Yes I know, this cannot be

As morning comes,

I’ll say goodbye to you when I’m done

Through the sun…

Because I’ve waiting for you, Waiting for this

Dream to come true, just to be with you.

And if I die, remember this line,

I’m always here, guarding your life…

Guarding your life…

I am yours

I’m completely trapped in your soul

Dazed and confused

Swept away with your own world.

You’re my star

Invincible, haunting and far

Grace under fire

Someone is building my heart, in my heart…

Because I’ve waiting for you, Waiting for this

Dream to come true, just to be with you.

And if I die, remember this lines,

I’m always here, guarding you

Slowly falling into you

I’m obsessed with the fact that I’m with you.

I can’t breathe without you…

I’m waiting for you, waiting for this

Dream to come true, just to be with you.

And if I die, remember this lines,

I’m always here, guarding you life.

JMP

Dating Backwards

In my 20's, the thought of my girlfriend meeting my parents was beyond scary. I wasn't sure if I was more afraid of my mom meeting her or my dad. Either way, I tried to put it off for as long as possible. I always introduced her to my friends first. Next came my cousins, then my brother, and months later, I would gather the courage to introduce her to my parents.

It was completely different with my girlfriend. She introduced me to her friends and family within the first two weeks of meeting me. Immediately, I realized that throughout my entire life, I had been dating backwards. I had been waiting until I was head over heels in love with someone to meet the most important people in their life. What I should have been doing was meeting her family first to see how she operated, interacted, and communicated with her family. Was she rude to his mother? Did they treat me with respect? What were their family values? Could I get along with her parents?

When you wait until you are in love with someone to meet their family, you give up a tremendous amount of control in your relationship. Instead of making strategic decisions with your mind, you make decisions with your heart. You become more accepting of faults, flaws, mistakes, different interests, and incompatible values, because you are already in love.

Meeting a person's family gives you way more insight into who they are as a person. You get a chance to see a more realistic portrayal and whether that meshes with the person they have held themselves out to be.

If you meet a person's family at the beginning stages of your relationship, you don't have to worry about having to accept a family that is disrespectful, rude, abrasive, or unloving. You gain a better idea of who they are upfront and then you can decide if this is something you want to deal with or if it would be best to choose a person with a more loving, caring, and embracing family unit. After all, you marry someone's family....not just that individual. You do not want to spend holidays with a group of people that you really don't care for. It's best to have the control upfront to choose something other than dysfunction. That saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree", says it all. JMP

Relationship Myth

"If you really love me, you will win me back once we have broken up."

Somewhere, somehow, we began judging whether someone loves us based on the reaction AFTER the break-up. Whether it is how much effort they put into winning us back or their speech about realizing how much he or she misses you -- this is what we often use to determine whether we should go back to our ex.

Regardless of how much time we spent feeling alone or unappreciated, how many Valentine’s Days we cried over when they didn’t bother to celebrate it, or how many times we felt disrespected or demeaned, somehow the effort they put in, (on the back end) pleases us more than the effort they put into the entire relationship.

It’s time to put an end to this kind of rationalization. One day of roses cannot and should not make up for weeks, months, or years of feeling neglected. One “I miss you” cannot and should not make up for unspoken compliments that you never received. One “I promise I will change” cannot and should not make up for countless days of inaction.

When someone breaks up with you, it is a natural response to “want” to get back together with them. And honestly, we really do want to believe that whatever they are saying or promising is true, because we have spent all of these months hoping for it. But separate the break up from the relationship. What you didn’t get in the relationship, you will almost never end up with.

When someone doesn’t see you as a priority, an ultimatum, a break up, or a conversation with them will not change that. People value what they value. Separate yourself from the stress, loss of sleep, tears, and hurt that are associated with giving to someone who is a taker. Instead of being reeled back into the chaos and disappointment, make a vow to spend your energy on someone who already knows what they have in front of them. Love is defined by how you feel when you are in a relationship, not by the promises and vows made to you after it ends. JMP

A Human Being Too

RACISM in any form, manner, or circumstance, IS WRONG AND UNACCEPTABLE.

It has no place in society, let alone sports. Ignorance is never an excuse. This form of violence, bullying, and abuse has got to cease, and cease to exist.

The recent cases of racial discrimination in sports, against Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling, getting a lifetime ban and ouster as team/franchise owner, to European football clubs getting fined, when Villareal supporters threw a banana at Barcelona's Dani Alves, with AC Milan's Kevin Constant receiving the same from Atalanta's fans, and Atlético Madrid supporters were spotted making monkey gestures towards Levante midfielder Papakouli Diop, are all of the same gravity and effect as what San Beda's Ola Adeogun has unwarrantedly received, not only as a Red Lion, but more importantly, as a PERSON. And yes, he has been treated with the exact same gestures previously, both in the NCAA and in the PBA D-League.

This no small or laughing matter we can easily dismiss, as this issue transcends sports. Why? Because it can happen to anyone, even to people you love. Loved ones who work their hearts off only to provide us with the best they can, even if it means being away, on foreign land. And RACISM never should happen or be allowed, nor must anyone be the cause of something so vile and ugly.

As Isaac Asimov said, "Violence is the last resort of the incompetent."

NO TO RACISM. JMP

Imperfect

I wanted to write today.

I normally tend to not talk about these things, just because it’s easy to feel like you’re revealing too much. Behind every blog is a real person. A person with dark and twisty sides to them and secrets that don’t get spoken about often. This is one of those dark and twisty secrets. I could easily talk about growing up with an eating disorder, but I have been very real and honest about that whole journey. So, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to discuss something else.

Anyone who reads this blog knows how in love Joan and I are. I mean, we just got hitched less than 3 months ago. What you don’t know and see is that we fought so very hard to be as happy and crazy about each other as we are now. So, I hope you reserve any judgment you may have, because I am not perfect.

I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed lately. I just need to get everything out of my head and on to paper.
I know that life just throws us things sometimes. I also know that we are supposed to be able to deal with it. We’re supposed to be able to bear the weight on our shoulders, persevere, and carry our heads high. But it feels like there is never just ONE problem. That would be a luxury.

For us, it seems like something happens. We’re sad, we talk about it, and we find a solution. Lately it feels like more problems are just piling themselves on top of one another. I have so much that I want to talk about. That I want to divulge and hear your opinions and words on.

But I can’t. At least not yet.

Some of it is out of respect. Some out of necessity. If this blog was still anonymous, I might have considered it. Without exposing too much, here is just an idea of some of the things going on right now that I’m working through:

Our living situation
Seeing someone from my past and what it means
The health of someone I love

I wanted to take my blog public for the longest time and I was so happy when I did. But I didn’t consider the ramifications of opening it up to my family and friends. Possibly some people who aren’t such good friends.

I had to edit posts. Some were deleted where I talked about things that were a little too personal. If you’ve been reading my blog since it began, then you may have read those posts. I wish I had drafted them instead of hitting that X. I never learn from past regrets of deleting my words.

There is a certain amount of censorship that comes along with being a blogger. You see Joan because she lets me openly talk about her and us. The photos and awesome posts are all okay’ed by her. She likes her privacy as much as the next person, which is why I always make sure she’s satisfied with the content that makes it on this little space.

But others? I don’t have that consent. I’m not seeking it, because their stories are not mine to tell. But the ache in my heart that I feel makes it near impossible to not spill everything into this white box.

It’s daunting being a blogger. I like posting every day, but it’s a struggle sometimes to write things that people relate to and find interesting without bearing yourself in a way you may not have intended to. We all have those moments of words bursting out we wish we didn’t say.

So, the content is blurry. I write and I know some of you feel like you know me. I am glad that you do. So much of what I write IS me. But isn’t all of me. You see what I choose to show you. I put my best face forward and try not to let negativity affect me when it rears its ugly head.

I hope I don’t put off the aura that my life is perfect. It’s not. I don’t want people to think I’m perfect. That’s not really an option. I am a flawed, one of a kind, loud, and in your face human being. I have yet to work a job where I haven’t been told to quiet down like a kindergartener.

Basically, I’m me. I’m doing the best that I can to be the best person I possibly can each and every day.
Even though there is so much happening and sometimes I just want to cry, I know I am putting good out into the world with a smile on my face.

My heart may be throbbing, but I have love in my life. I have support to work through it. I have moments where things stand perfectly still and I can just…breathe.

Because, amidst the shit, I still need to be able to smell roses sometimes. JMP