Relationship Myth

"If you really love me, you will win me back once we have broken up."

Somewhere, somehow, we began judging whether someone loves us based on the reaction AFTER the break-up. Whether it is how much effort they put into winning us back or their speech about realizing how much he or she misses you -- this is what we often use to determine whether we should go back to our ex.

Regardless of how much time we spent feeling alone or unappreciated, how many Valentine’s Days we cried over when they didn’t bother to celebrate it, or how many times we felt disrespected or demeaned, somehow the effort they put in, (on the back end) pleases us more than the effort they put into the entire relationship.

It’s time to put an end to this kind of rationalization. One day of roses cannot and should not make up for weeks, months, or years of feeling neglected. One “I miss you” cannot and should not make up for unspoken compliments that you never received. One “I promise I will change” cannot and should not make up for countless days of inaction.

When someone breaks up with you, it is a natural response to “want” to get back together with them. And honestly, we really do want to believe that whatever they are saying or promising is true, because we have spent all of these months hoping for it. But separate the break up from the relationship. What you didn’t get in the relationship, you will almost never end up with.

When someone doesn’t see you as a priority, an ultimatum, a break up, or a conversation with them will not change that. People value what they value. Separate yourself from the stress, loss of sleep, tears, and hurt that are associated with giving to someone who is a taker. Instead of being reeled back into the chaos and disappointment, make a vow to spend your energy on someone who already knows what they have in front of them. Love is defined by how you feel when you are in a relationship, not by the promises and vows made to you after it ends. JMP